xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
