The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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