I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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