Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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