But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize