i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
