I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
