Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
