Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
