He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
