You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
