Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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