What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
