brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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