Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's like iHOP with fire
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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