Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
