the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
