my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
