You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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