Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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