So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
