Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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