i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize