great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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