My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
