fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
