it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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