you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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