he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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