Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
