Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
