hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
