so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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