I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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