if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
