hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
