Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize