so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
