does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
