Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
