Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
