He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
