so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
