i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
