i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I just put wine in my tea
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
