I don't usually arrange sex via text message
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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