chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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