is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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