I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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