Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
