Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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