All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
