she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
