Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
