evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
