I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i believe in u and ur pee
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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