He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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