"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
