sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
