I faked an abortion last night.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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