I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
