He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
