i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
