You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
