I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
