Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
