i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
