I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
