He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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