if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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