fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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