im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
